when they say “you’ve changed” | musing no. 56
they only say it when your growth threatens the version of you they relied on.
they only say “you’ve changed” when your growth threatens the version of you they were comfortable with.
most people don’t mean it as a compliment.
they mean it as a warning.
a fear response.
a plea: don’t outgrow the place where i still need you.
but that’s exactly what growth does.
it disrupts convenience.
it breaks the familiar.
it exposes who was here for you—
and who was here for the access.
i’ve watched this play out in my own life.
every five or six years, i shift into a new version of myself.
a new era.
a new standard.
and the circle from the last chapter rarely survives the transition.
not because of conflict.
because of mismatch.
when you finally do the inner work—
the silence, the self-confrontation, the uncomfortable honesty—
you stop fitting inside the expectations people built around your old self.
so they throw “you’ve changed” like an insult.
but it’s a confession.
you moved forward.
they stayed still.
what they’re really saying is:
“i’m scared you’re leaving me behind.”
and maybe you are.
not out of cruelty.
out of necessity.
because growth is a filter.
and the ones who truly care don’t fear it.
they celebrate it.
they say, “i see the work you’ve done. i’m proud of you.”
everyone else?
fuel.
throw it on the fire.
— author
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