don’t mistake access for forgiveness | musing no. 52

when a man betrays you and still thinks he’s doing you a favor by “defending” you, you don’t argue—you close the door and protect your peace.

i thought the hardest part of losing a friend would be the loss itself.

it wasn’t.

the hardest part was realizing he expected to walk back in like nothing happened.

he reached out today.

acted like everything was fine.

asked for help with his new business.

asked for my contacts.

asked for access.

not once did he apologize.

not once did he acknowledge what he did.

not once did he show an ounce of self-awareness.

men like that always want the benefits of your loyalty without doing any of the work that loyalty requires.

and when i told him not to contact me about stuff like that, he did exactly what i expected—

he made it about me “not seeing value.”

as if the problem was my standards, not his choices.

then he showed me who he really was.

he went on a rant about my “gold digging whores.”

said my ex had shown him emails.

as if repeating her bitterness made him right.

as if weaponizing her chaos somehow justified his betrayal.

as if dragging women was going to distract me from the truth.

that was the moment everything snapped into place.

he wasn’t defending himself.

he was exposing himself.

so i told him the truth:

i don’t consider us friends anymore.

because he betrayed my trust.

because he talked to my ex.

because every explanation he gave was a lazy deflection dressed up as neutrality.

and when he repeated the same tired line—“i don’t control him”—i finally said what he’s been avoiding:

“you’re right. you don’t control him.

but you keep choosing him.”

and that’s the part he cannot escape.

the twink quit his job to wedge himself into the business we were supposed to build together.

he quit so he could be glued to my former friend’s side.

he quit so he could replace me.

he quit because he is threatened by me.

and my former friend let him.

not by accident.

but by choice.

even the twink’s parents could see the dysfunction years ago.

they didn’t like my former friend then.

they won’t like him now.

he’s doing nothing to earn respect from anyone—

he’s just sinking deeper into the only dynamic where he feels needed.

that’s why this isn’t about the betrayal anymore.

it’s about the clarity it forced.

i told him what i needed to say:

without you and my ex in my life, i have peace.

and i will do whatever it takes to protect that peace.

if that means losing you, it means losing you.

he didn’t lose a friend today.

he lost access.

— author

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