the poke | musing no. 75
how calm becomes a weapon + chaos changes hands
**before we begin:**
if you missed last week’s introduction to this series (**musing no. 74**), go back and read it here. it lays the groundwork for the 8-week manipulation curriculum we’re building.
in this week’s podcast episode, i go deeper into the “why.”
i explain what it felt like to be the man sitting calmly across from a screaming woman — and the dark satisfaction i used to get from her explosion.
it’s a hard listen.
it’s also a necessary one.
listen on apple podcasts or spotify.
**the kitchen scene.**
there is a scene i’ve watched play out a thousand times.
you may be living in it right now.
a woman stands in a kitchen.
she is crying. she is yelling. her hands are shaking.
to anyone watching, she looks “unstable.”
across from her sits a man.
he is calm. quiet. eating his dinner.
he looks up with a mix of pity and irritation and says:
“i can’t talk to you when you’re emotional like this.”
to the outside observer, he is the victim.
the rational, stoic man dealing with a “crazy” woman.
but the outside observer didn’t see what happened ten minutes earlier.
they didn’t see **the poke.**
this is the darkest magic trick in the manipulator’s book.
the clinical term is **reactive abuse.**
i call it **the transfer of chaos.**
here’s how it works.
he knows your triggers.
he knows exactly where your insecurities are buried.
so, with surgical precision, he pokes them.
a sarcastic comment.
a dismissive glance.
a subtle reminder of your past mistakes.
he stays calm the entire time.
his voice never rises.
and when you react, he denies doing anything at all.
** stop the cycle.**
reactive abuse is just one of 16 forms of control we’re dismantling.
if you want to stop the poke *before* you explode, you need the full curriculum.
upgrade your subscription. do not let him write the narrative of your life.
***
he keeps pushing until the pressure becomes unbearable.
and then you snap.
you yell.
you cry.
you throw your hands up.
and in that exact moment, he wins.
i know this look because i used to wear it.
not a smile — but something colder.
a quiet satisfaction in the eyes.
if i could make you lose control while i stayed still, i felt powerful.
i had the moral high ground.
i no longer had to answer for my behavior.
now i got to judge yours.
“look at you,” he says.
“you’re crazy.”
“you’re abusive.”
he has successfully transferred the chaos from inside himself into you.
he used you as a vessel for his own toxicity —
then punished you for carrying it.
if you’re reading this and wondering whether you’re the “crazy” one, ask yourself this:
were you screaming before he started speaking?
or did you become a storm because he refused to stop making it rain?
do not let a man who lights the fuse
blame you for the explosion.
— author
next:
**ps.**
i’m often asked about the tools i use to run this brand —
the pens, notebooks, and recording gear behind the work.
i’ve curated a list of what i actually use and love.
you’ll find it in the **cuffed toolkit.**
**pps.**
this is week 1 of 8.
later this week, we break down **the audition** (triangulation).
make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss it.
Ironic: I feel poked just recalling past pokes. High sensitization makes for superpowered memory, for good and ill.
This tactic of manipulation is within the highest tier of tactics, in my opinion. It doesn't even have to be in the "family"; but it's sad that it happens and, when romance is involved - it hurts infinitely worse.