the audition | musing no. 76

how triangulation turns love into competition

**before we begin:**

the audio companion to this musing goes deeper into the psychology behind manipulation — listen to episode 12 before you read.

if you missed the breakdown of “the poke” (reactive abuse), read it here.

we are currently in week 2 of **the architecture of control.**

today, we are dismantling the illusion of “competition.”

***

**the third chair.**

most people think attraction is about chemistry.

but in a manipulative dynamic, it is about **positioning.**

in a healthy relationship, there are two seats at the table.

you and him.

the connection is direct. the focus is exclusive.

but when you are dealing with a man who operates from a place of insecurity, he pulls up a third chair.

he invites a ghost to dinner.

maybe it is an ex he mentions too casually.

maybe it is a coworker who “has a huge crush on him.”

maybe it is just his wandering eye, constantly scanning the room while he holds your hand.

he doesn’t invite them into the room to be polite.

he invites them into the room to remind you that your seat is not permanent.

this is **the audition.**

the clinical term is **triangulation.**

it is the weaponization of jealousy to manufacture desire.

**why he does it.**

i used to do this. not because i was a “player,” but because i was terrified.

triangulation is not abundance. it is armor.

if i could keep you focused on “winning” me, you would never notice that i wasn’t worth the prize.

if i could keep you competing with a ghost, i never had to be vulnerable.

i didn’t want connection.

i wanted **confirmation.**

i needed witnesses to my own value.

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**are you being invited or audited?**

in the inner circle this week, i released a specific directive to help you spot this in real-time.

if you’re not sure which room you’re in, you’re probably on stage.

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**anxiety disguised as chemistry.**

the danger of the audition is that it feels electric.

when you feel like you might lose him, your nervous system spikes.

your heart races. your stomach drops. you obsess over his texts.

you mistake that anxiety for “passion.”

you think, ”i must really love him, because i’m so afraid of losing him.”

no.

that isn’t love. that is **evaluation pressure.**

you have stopped being a partner and started being a performer.

you dress better. you tolerate more. you suppress your needs.

you are dancing as fast as you can to prove you are better than the woman in the third chair.

**the shift.**

you need to learn the difference between an audition and an invitation.

write this down.

• an audition is toxic:

  • evaluated: you feel tested.

  • earned: attention is conditional on your performance.

  • unstable: safety is withdrawn when you displease him.

  • competition: you are hyper-aware of “threats.”

• an invitation is healthy:

  • chosen: you feel selected.

  • given: attention is abundant and consistent.

  • safe: safety comes *before* desire, not after.

  • exclusive: the only two people in the room are you and him.

if you are reading this and realizing you have been on stage for months...

stop dancing.

real power doesn’t keep score silently.

real intimacy doesn’t use jealousy as leverage.

and most importantly:

real desire does not require witnesses.

if he needs an audience to feel valuable, let him have the audience.

you take your peace.

— author

next:

punitive silence

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**ps.**

we are moving through the “emotional volatility” phase of the curriculum.

next week, we discuss **punitive silence** (stonewalling).

ensure you are subscribed so you don’t miss it.

**pps.**

for the writers and creators asking about the notebook i use to map these mechanics (seen in the wireframes i share):

it is part of the **cuffed toolkit.**