leverage isn't love. it's a prison | musing no. 39
when a man needs control to feel loved, he’s already lost both.
most men don’t love women.
they love control dressed up as devotion.
they call it “providing.”
but what they’re really building is leverage.
leverage that looks like protection,
feels like support,
and slowly becomes a cage.
when i care about a woman, i don’t want her small.
i want her lit up.
i want to see that fire in her eyes when she’s chasing something that matters.
why would i ever want to dim that?
i’ve helped women i’ve loved register their businesses,
paid for courses they dreamed about,
surprised them with the tools to create what they wanted to build.
not because i needed credit—
but because watching someone you love become more of herself
is the highest kind of turn-on there is.
that’s what security looks like.
not leverage.
not keeping score.
when a man builds leverage in a relationship,
he’s not creating love.
he’s creating dependence.
and dependence is the most beautiful prison you’ll ever walk into—
until the door locks.
real love isn’t ownership.
it’s empowerment.
if you’re beside someone who’s growing, you grow too.
if her ambition threatens you, it’s not love—it’s insecurity in disguise.
i teach my daughters the same thing.
never give up your work completely.
never surrender your independence for comfort.
keep a toe in the door of your own life.
because someday the house will go quiet,
the kids will be grown,
and you’ll want something that belongs only to you.
if a man ever asks you to give that up,
he’s not offering partnership.
he’s offering confinement.
the most dangerous kind of prison
doesn’t have bars.
it has compliments, cash, and comfort.
if he’s keeping you dependent, he’s not protecting you—
he’s preserving his leverage.
and leverage isn’t love.
it’s a prison.
— author
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