One of the finest pieces of life advice I ever got was that there were three parts of a marriage: yours, your partner’s, and the marriage itself. Much of what transpires in a healthy marriage happens in the space of the relationship itself, whether it’s forms of compromise, or choices made to support what is best for the thing that is both of you, not just one of you.
Your musing reminds me of that — that there must be a multiplicity in well-lived lives, with one of the versions of one’s self in motion: evolving forward, or drifting back, or dropping anchor, and the one that exists literally in the now, this moment.
It’s as if we are all multiphasic, and the best of us send proof of life to our best selves regularly. It’s intrinsic to maintaining a healthy connection to self. And there can be many selves.
One of the finest pieces of life advice I ever got was that there were three parts of a marriage: yours, your partner’s, and the marriage itself. Much of what transpires in a healthy marriage happens in the space of the relationship itself, whether it’s forms of compromise, or choices made to support what is best for the thing that is both of you, not just one of you.
Your musing reminds me of that — that there must be a multiplicity in well-lived lives, with one of the versions of one’s self in motion: evolving forward, or drifting back, or dropping anchor, and the one that exists literally in the now, this moment.
It’s as if we are all multiphasic, and the best of us send proof of life to our best selves regularly. It’s intrinsic to maintaining a healthy connection to self. And there can be many selves.
the three-part model is one i keep coming back to.
yours. theirs. the thing you're building together.
and you're right — discipline in that context isn't just personal.
it's relational. the promises you keep to yourself
determine what you're capable of bringing to the third thing.
"sending proof of life to your best self" —
that's going in the vault.
thank you for this.
— author