the safety in intimacy directive | red room no. 68
most people never find out until it's already too late.
safety is not the absence of danger.
it's the ability to stop protecting yourself.
most people think safety only runs one direction.
it doesn't.
she calculates her safety every day of her life.
where she is.
who's behind her.
whether the man beside her is who she thinks he is.
he calculates something different.
not whether she'll hurt him physically.
whether she'll hurt him with what he told her.
two different fears.
same question underneath.
what happens to me when i stop protecting myself in front of you?
most relationships never answer that question honestly.
they just assume the answer is good.
it isn't always.
and if you don't find out now,
you find out later.
mid-argument.
mid-silence.
mid-realizing you stopped telling him things
months ago
and never noticed the exact day it happened.
the mechanism behind this — what actually determines
whether vulnerability is safe or just exposure —
is inside.
— author
