the pulse check: musing no. 78
it wasn't random.
before we begin:
in this week’s podcast episode, i break down why the pulse check isn’t accidental.
it’s patterned.
and once you see the pattern, you stop taking it personally.
***
last musing, we explored punitive silence (stonewalling).
today, we look at what happens when the silence breaks.
this is week 3 of our 9-week series on the architecture of control.
if you missed the previous lessons, the archive is here.
***
the text.
it has been weeks. maybe months.
you have finally started to heal.
you stopped checking his page. you stopped waiting for his apology.
and then, your phone lights up.
“hey stranger.”
“been thinking about you.”
a random like on a photo from six months ago.
or the classic 2:00 am “you up?”
this is the pulse check.
(the clinical term is hoovering).
do not mistake this for reconciliation.
do not mistake this for remorse or accountability.
a pulse check is a low-effort attempt to re-enter your orbit.
it is a temperature read.
the why.
he doesn’t miss you.
he misses knowing he could still have you.
why does he reach out now?
because your silence threatens him.
your emotional detachment destabilizes his ego.
he needs confirmation of access.
look at the timing.
when does the pulse check always arrive?
right when you glow up.
right when you go completely silent.
right when you stop watching his stories.
or right when his current option fails.
if you respond, you give him the two things he wants most:
supply (confirmation you are still available).
and narrative control (if you respond, he tells himself what he did couldn’t have been that bad.
stop taking the bait.
inside the inner circle, i break down the exact framework that dismantles the pulse check.
because once you understand the structure, the spell breaks.
***
the anatomy of a pulse check.
notice how the message is built.
it is deliberately ambiguous.
it is never direct.
look closely at what is missing.
there is no apology.
there are no specifics.
there is no ownership of the damage he caused.
he does not lead with repair.
he leads with access.
he tests the water before offering warmth.
because a pulse check isn’t about love.
it is about leverage.
and leverage only works
if you are still emotionally available.
if you have detached,
it has nowhere to land.
do not let a man who broke you
check your pulse
just to make sure you are still bleeding.
— author
***
ps.
we are in week 3 of 9.
next week, we cover the most insidious tactic yet.
ensure you are subscribed so you don’t miss it.
pps.
for the writers asking about the specific notebooks and pens i use to draft these wireframes:
they are linked in the cuffed toolkit.