first it’s constant messages, attention, + intensity.
suddenly the energy changes.
musing no. 83 explores how love bombing quietly turns into emotional distance
You know, the messed up thing about this kind of experience is that the woman gets burned because - as you well said - gets attached and loves those good feelings. It takes huge amount of courage to trust again. Maybe never again, who knows.
I think listening to intuition here is crucial: what does my inner radar say about the behavior? Is it genuine or performance?
And it's highly likely that not even after a "good evaluation" of the specific behavior: the woman gets to be brave or stupid again.
the attachment doesn’t come from nowhere — it comes from the intensity at the beginning. when someone floods you with attention, your nervous system interprets that as safety and certainty.
so when the energy suddenly disappears, the brain doesn’t just feel disappointment. it feels disorientation.
that’s why people question themselves instead of questioning the behavior.
your intuition point is exactly right. the real question is always:
...and when the brain feels disorientation - the person who actually has self respect, awareness and courage - gets serious and unveils the soul's eye for a second. And decides that performance is cheap, comparing to authenticity. And leaves. Too bad that - until that happens - lots of personal resources (time) - get to be wasted.
You know, the messed up thing about this kind of experience is that the woman gets burned because - as you well said - gets attached and loves those good feelings. It takes huge amount of courage to trust again. Maybe never again, who knows.
I think listening to intuition here is crucial: what does my inner radar say about the behavior? Is it genuine or performance?
And it's highly likely that not even after a "good evaluation" of the specific behavior: the woman gets to be brave or stupid again.
you’re touching on something important.
the attachment doesn’t come from nowhere — it comes from the intensity at the beginning. when someone floods you with attention, your nervous system interprets that as safety and certainty.
so when the energy suddenly disappears, the brain doesn’t just feel disappointment. it feels disorientation.
that’s why people question themselves instead of questioning the behavior.
your intuition point is exactly right. the real question is always:
is this consistency… or performance?
— author
...and when the brain feels disorientation - the person who actually has self respect, awareness and courage - gets serious and unveils the soul's eye for a second. And decides that performance is cheap, comparing to authenticity. And leaves. Too bad that - until that happens - lots of personal resources (time) - get to be wasted.
that moment you’re describing is the shift.
the nervous system finally settles enough to see clearly.
when the intensity stops, the fog lifts for a second and the question becomes obvious:
was this connection…
or choreography?
authenticity doesn’t need to perform.
— author