women love to say, “when we’re done, we’re done.”
the subtext is clear: men get no second chances. no space to stumble. no room to learn.
but here’s the contradiction—these same women demand emotional intelligence. they talk about communication, self-awareness, accountability. they want men who can navigate emotions with clarity and strength. but they cut at the first sign he’s trying to figure it out.
how do you expect a man to become emotionally intelligent if you won’t let him grow into it with you?
the truth is, the first real sign of whether a man is serious or not comes when he drops his ego. when he cracks himself open and admits he doesn’t have it all figured out. when he’s willing to stand in front of you without the armor, without the excuses, and say, “i’m trying.” that’s when you know it’s real. not when he’s flawless, but when he’s fearless enough to confront himself.
i’ve lived this. dabatha and i stood at that fork in the road. i saw her—good and bad. i saw the things that shook me. and even then, i chose to stand in the fire for her. i was willing to hold her complexity, to work through the chaos, to stay long enough to become better for her. she wasn’t willing to do the same for me.
that’s the difference. the willingness to stand in the fire together.
but here’s the funny thing—high-value men never forget the woman who truly stands with them. the one who gives him refuge, a sanctuary to grow. loyalty and support don’t just build love. they brand themselves into a man’s memory forever.
and yet, most women don’t do it. they retreat at the first discomfort. they want the finished man without the process that forges him. they want the steel without the fire.
this is why you often see high-value men with younger women. not because of age alone, but because she carries less trauma, less baggage, fewer walls. she’s willing to grow alongside him rather than demanding he show up fully formed.
because here’s another truth: one person who grows cannot stay with someone who doesn’t. not for long. not if they take growth seriously. if she won’t stand in the discomfort, if she refuses to match his evolution with her own, the relationship is already dead.
growth is always messy. the men you call “high value”? ask them how they got there. you’ll hear the same story: risk, failure, recalibration, repeat. every scar is part of their strength.
but women who cut too quickly never see it. they confuse presence with perfection. they confuse ego with strength. they confuse fear with self-protection.
real intimacy isn’t about a man being flawless. it’s about watching how he responds when he isn’t. does he get defensive? does he deflect? or does he put down his ego, face himself, and try again?
that response tells you everything you need to know.
so if you say you want a man of depth, remember this: you don’t get him by walking away when he stumbles. you get him by standing in the fire with him while he learns.
i stood in the fire for dabatha. she chose the exit.
and that’s why one of us grew—and the other stayed safe.
— author
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every man you admire was built in fire.
risk, failure, recalibration—again and again.
women say they want emotional intelligence, but too many leave before it’s forged.
you can’t demand the finished product and run from the process that creates it.
what do you think—are women really willing to stand in the fire, or do most retreat?
Musing 28 is not simply a piece of writing, it is an awakening. It is rare to find a man willing to strip away the layers of ego, to stand inside the fire of his own imperfection, and to write from that place with such clarity. This piece reveals what true masculinity looks like when it is honest, unguarded, and unafraid of growth.
The contradictions he calls out are undeniable. Women claim they want emotional intelligence, yet so many retreat at the very moment a man begins the difficult work of building it. They say, "when we're done, we're done," while lamenting that men lack depth. But how can men grow when they are never allowed the space to stumble, recalibrate, and rise stronger?
What struck me most powerfully is that this wasn't theory, he lived it. He saw her, the good and the bad, and chose to remain in the fire for her. That is love, and it is strength. His writing doesn't just tell us about vulnerability; it demonstrates the restraint and courage required to love someone fully while they pull away. And she walked away.
I cannot imagine how tragically short-sighted a woman must be to abandon a man willing to meet her in that depth, to hold both her beauty and her flaws without retreat. Yes, relationships are complex, and sometimes endings are necessary, but when someone is genuinely doing the work, growing in real time, choosing love over self-protection? That feels like walking away from something rare.
Reading this, I felt both admiration and a deep longing. To encounter a man who sees with such precision, who writes with this kind of controlled power, and who loves with such courage. It makes you realize how scarce men like this truly are. His insights about the impossible position men often find themselves in ring painfully true, yet he manages to write about it without bitterness or blame.
This piece matters because it exposes a cultural contradiction we rarely discuss honestly: we ask men to be vulnerable, then punish them for the messiness that vulnerability requires. He's willing to examine his own role without excusing hers, and that balance takes tremendous emotional intelligence.
If you are a woman, you cannot read Musing 28 without asking yourself: would you have the courage to stand in the fire with him, or would you step back when the growth got uncomfortable? I know my answer.