the pussy-eating problem: why most men think they’re good (but aren’t) | musing no. 15

it’s not about how long. it’s about whether you’re paying attention.

This one’s a follow-up—and a direct tie-in—to Musing #13, which, not surprisingly, has been our most popular musing to date. That one was about emotional intimacy, unprotected sex, and trust. This one? It’s about pussy. Specifically: why so many men don’t eat it.

I cannot believe how many women have told me that the men they’ve been with either don’t like going down on them or just don’t do it well. And I gotta be honest, I don’t understand that at all. Eating pussy is one of my absolute favorite things to do.

Now let me clarify: I’m what you might call a bit of a pussy snob. If it’s got some truly chaotic roast beef energy going on, I’m probably not going down there. Sorry, not sorry. But the idea that all beautiful pussies are surgically enhanced is total bullshit. I’ve been with a lot of women who had what other women refer to as “porn star pussies”—tight, soft, beautifully symmetrical (my fleshlight model for reference and preferred lube). No surgery. Just genetics and good hygiene. So the excuse that it’s not “aesthetic” enough? Weak.

But this musing isn’t really about pussy anatomy. It’s about something deeper: the male tendency to treat sex like a robbery. In and out. The faster the better. Just grab the orgasm and bounce.

Over time, sex in those relationships drops off. And then the guy complains: “She never wants to fuck anymore.” No shit. You turned sex into a chore. A performance. A job she does for you. What part of that sounds enjoyable to anyone?

Here’s the truth: going down on a woman isn’t just foreplay. It’s care. It’s attention. It’s communication. Every single one of my sexual partners now hears this from me:

“If I’m doing something and there’s a better way, tell me. Guide me.”

But for that to even happen, you have to set your fucking ego aside. You have to be willing to admit you don’t know everything—and more importantly, that it’s okay not to. Letting her guide you isn’t weakness—it’s intimacy. Great sex is about great communication. The moment you create space for her feedback, you unlock another level of connection. You’re not just doing sex—you’re co-creating it.

And I’ll say this too: I love going down on a woman. I tell my partners that. I let them know how much it turns me on to turn them on. Not just because I want them to feel good, but because I want them to want that pleasure. And when a woman knows how much it means to me, something beautiful happens—she takes even more care of herself. Hygiene, scent, grooming—it’s not about performance, it’s about mutual respect. I give care, and I receive it. That loop is what intimacy really looks like.

So here’s the equation, fellas:

The better the sex feels for her, the more she’s going to want it.
More orgasms = more desire = more sex for you. So if you’re neglecting her pleasure, you’re not just being selfish—you’re being stupid.

Bonus theory from Dabatha:

“Any man who refuses to eat pussy is secretly gay.”
Do with that what you will.

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