ghosting isn’t confusion.
it’s a refusal to tolerate discomfort.
most people don’t disappear because they don’t care.
they disappear because staying would require regulation, honesty, and presence.
musing 71 is about avoidance disguised as self-protection —
and why clarity feels threatening to people who learned to flinch.
— author
So many avoidants out there, bless their hearts. Some percentage of them — who knows how many — will work on being less fleet and more present. But boy oh boy it’s a labor to assist that transition.
And plenty of non-avoidants don’t show up at the end of something either, out of fear or fatigue.
Seems it would be easier to have just communicated all along about the good and the bad … but that is often oh so daunting and sometimes even seems cruel. It’s a wonder we function at all for long.
I know you dislike titles, but this one rocked!
So many avoidants out there, bless their hearts. Some percentage of them — who knows how many — will work on being less fleet and more present. But boy oh boy it’s a labor to assist that transition.
And plenty of non-avoidants don’t show up at the end of something either, out of fear or fatigue.
Seems it would be easier to have just communicated all along about the good and the bad … but that is often oh so daunting and sometimes even seems cruel. It’s a wonder we function at all for long.
this is exactly it.
avoidance isn’t a moral failure — it’s a capacity issue.
and building that capacity is slow, uncomfortable work most people were never taught how to do.
you’re also right about the other side.
fear and fatigue pull people away too — not just avoidance.
that’s part of what makes honest endings feel so rare.
communication often feels cruel only because we’ve confused discomfort with harm.
but unresolved silence is rarely kinder.
thank you for sitting with this instead of reacting to it.
— author