darvo directive | inner circle no. 4
when accountability feels like attack
darvo isn’t loud.
it doesn’t scream.
it pivots.
you bring up something that hurt you.
within minutes, you’re defending your tone.
your memory.
your character.
that’s not miscommunication.
that’s reversal.
darvo stands for:
deny.
attack.
reverse victim + offender.
the speed is the tell.
the faster the pivot, the more destabilizing it is.
and if every argument ends with you apologizing for bringing it up, you’re not in conflict.
you’re being conditioned.
most people will read this and think,
“no, we just argue badly.”
maybe.
but if the original issue disappears and you become the problem, that’s not bad arguing.
that’s structure.
below is the protocol.
not to fight harder.
to see clearly.